A brief LOL look at the life of Ryan Smith:

(I recently came across his myspace, which prompted this)


When I first met Ryan, he wore tight pants, small black band shirts, had a faux hawk, many piercings, stretched lobes, and was in a metalcore band on tour. I've learned that, before I met him, and while on that tour, he would try to "cuddle" with girls (more on that later), and when they would go to the restroom, and they would come back, he would be naked on their bed, as if he was expecting something of them.


Fast forward to when he moved to KC: He clung to people like Core the Wanderer, Shaun the African, Sarge, Christian & Emily, etc. Therefore he started wearing jerseys, loving bands like Sick of It All & Madball, and eventually moved in with Shaun. He wore identical house shoes to the house shoes Shaun & Core always wore, he dressed the way they usually dressed, listened to what they usually listened to. Ryan talked to a lot of girls online. The longer he was in KC, the more he met young & tight little girls, the more he pursued & tried to conquer. Myspace, Livejournal, AIM, a girl brand new to town, whatever. What makes this so bad is the fact that Ryan lied about it. He denied doing anything; He was Christian. He was pure & good. He never forced himself on anyone, he never tried to skeez on every single female friend he had that he was even mildly attracted to, he never asked people to shower with him when they had no interest in him, he never went out of his way to make up stories about how this GIRL tried to make moves on him, when in reality, he tried to force something & got denied, and that girl was too embarassed or scared to tell anyone. Pure, good, man of god. I mean, obviously he was a man of god... he was in Seminary school. Duh.


After living in KC for a while, and pulling that shit the entire time, people started catching wind of his creepiness. Most people at shows he went to weren't fond of him; some were out for blood after a while. Ryan was burning bridges left and right. He started clinging to people he had never met, or only saw at Cornerstone. He started telling people he had been dumpster diving for over a year, when I personally know he went to Price Chopper (a grocery store chain in KC) nearly every single day & bought his food, but he had to impress his new dumpster diving friends! He just had to! Somewhere along the lines, he met someone who convinced him being a raw vegan would be cool, so he did that, bought a fanny pack, stopped showering or wearing deoderant, I couldn't tell which, and grew a beard. Just because something isn't fashionable, doesn't mean it isn't a sort of fashion staple for specific groups. He also decided to sell his car, in a city where public transit is only mildly decent in one specific, small part of town, and buy a bike (then wrecked mere weeks later & had to have surgery). I know from experience that you need to have a car in KC.


Somewhere in there, Ryan joined Good Clean Fun. You know, famously anti-Christian band? with a Christian bassist. Good job, everyone. While on their west coast tour, Ryan texted me. The conversation that followed blew me away... this coming from a good, Christian boy, who always denied everything he did. He told me he was making out with his friend, and was about to "put it in" and she farted. Naturally, I laughed. Hard. I thought he had texted the wrong person, but he didn't. For some reason, he thought I was someone he should tell that to. He continued to tell me how disgusted he was... and I got the impression that he really thought it was alright to makeout with friends, and that could involve penetration. I kept hearing back from Issa, or people who knew Issa, about how much shit the band talked on Ryan, and how Ryan couldn't be Christian because of some of the shit they saw him do, etc. While he was on tour, he didn't feel the need to pay his rent to Shaun... and kept asking Shaun to tattoo him, not understanding that it didn't matter that he told Shaun he would pay for it. He was slapping Shaun in the face, more-or-less telling him that he would pay his rent if he worked for it by tattooing him. He couldn't understand why Shaun was so angry with him, and around this time, he moved in with a bunch of girls.


During his time living with the girls, Ryan invited a few internet girls to stay with him... Generally had sex with them, & moved on for one reason or another after they left. If they refused to have sex with him, he usually found another reason to not be interested anymore, as well.


With, what I believe is, one month left of school before he would have been done (it may also have been a semester, but I think it was just a month) he took off to join xDeathstarx. Ryan WAS Christian, afterall, and they needed a bassist. Shortly after, Ryan was kicked out of the band. I know he tried to get on a friend of mine's younger, underaged sister, and they were friends with xDeathstarx. I know they also found out that he had female friends in every city lined up, and they were either past fuck buddy friends, or female friends he was trying to use. Obviously, I don't know what all went down outside of that, but the band secretly is out for blood. I know another Christian hardcore band that thought of asking Ryan to join & tour, and decided against it because of who he actually is, and how much he lies about it.


Ryan ended up thinking it was a good idea to start hitch-hiking across the country, back to Kansas City, from California (I heard he almost had his ass handed to him at the Earth Crisis reunion there), and on the way... almost got raped. Rape isn't funny, but Ryan hitch-hiking & that happening is somehow highly fucking amusing to me. Maybe because he's a fucking idiot? I'm not sure. When he got back to KC, he couldn't stay with Christian & Emily, like he thought he could... because my girl Emily is smart. You can't have a handful of small children and let him stay with you. Dude is a creep.


At some point after this, Ryan moved to the west coast. I'm not sure of the details, but he shortly after denounced his Christianity. I can almost guarantee he met a group of people/a girl that was vehemently anti-Christian/God, and decided to be just like them/her. Not only did he denounce his Christianity, he also was a complete asshole to every friend he ever had in his whole Christian life about it. Now, I'm not religious, but I can imagine that if I were... I would be heart broken over his decision, and how he put it, and I would probably voice how upset I was in a kind way; the way that most of his Christian friends did. Every single one of them, Ryan basically told them that they were fucking idiots, and was extremely heartless towards the majority. The best part was, he used his "one year" line AGAIN! He had been thinking about this for over a year. My ass.
What's he going to do about that gigantic fucking Jesus tattoo that covers almost his entire back?

Now Ryan lives in southern California. He says he's anti-car unless it's used for hitch-hiking. Hi, idiot, if you were actually anti-car... you would never step foot inside of a car, and would never condone anyone owning one. He doesn't believe in money or personal property, but he has a job to support himself. His Myspace has said that he doesn't want to meet girls who are naked or half naked, but uh... I think we've already touched on that subject enough.


He has no personality of his own, he has gone from wearing RAVER pants to where he is today, he's a hypocrite, and he's fucking hilarious. I really, really think and hope that he'll be that crazy old man that has a tiny amp & plays guitar on the street corner, and tells you his conspiracy theories for a dollar.

Am I really going to blog?

The last few months of my life, minus a few minor uh-ohs, have been amazing.

Friends have had beautiful babies, or are expecting. Alli and Shani, some of my best friends, just had beautiful baby boys, and I'm so jealous that neither of them live within driving distance.




For the past three months, I've been dating the most amazing guy. He does so much for me, and loves the dumbest shit about me. Our one month "anniversary", he brought me breakfast in bed, and paid for his friend Chris to tattoo my thighs.





I stayed in Baltimore for a good month and a half, just hanging out with him, his roommates, and their dogs. I think I watched every DVD in that fucking rowhouse, twice. I love him enough to deal with moving cross-country, to a city I barely know, and have few friends.




Nick came to visit in early March, and essentially quit his job to stay longer. Oops. I can't wait to actually live with him, and not have to worry about the next time either of us will afford to get to each other. I can't wait to adopt our little dog, dress it in gay little doggy clothes, and force Nick to watch America's Next Top Model, and The Girls Next Door with me. I can't wait for Ikea shopping for our home. I can't wait to share everything, and according to him, neither can he. For the first time in any relationship, I actually believe him when he says things like that. I have no doubt in my mind how he feels about me. He leaves me no room for doubt.






Here's to hoping I keep up with this.